By: Therese Moser-Rønning
We were finished moving out of the boxes and into our wonderful new apartment in my beautiful new country. I had spent a good amount of time getting organized to avoid the pile of clothes here and the pile of toys there in which we had lived in for the last couple of months. We had greeted all the neighbours, the kids had taken me on a „Spielplatz“ tour of the neighbourhood, I knew my way around in the local grocery store and my communication skills were picking up. We had seen a few of the sights and visited with my husband’s family and friends. The honeymoon was over.
There was really nothing to complain about because i had all i could want. Still a sneaking feeling crept up inside me. I was becoming aware of an emptiness i had never experienced before. Something was missing and i just couldn´t put my finger on it.
I called one of my best friends back home and we talked for over an hour. This eased the feeling of emptiness a little and I told my self I was probably just tired and this “thing” would pass. But it didn`t pass as a matter of fact it just stayed in the same spot in my chest without growing or fading. I discussed the matter with my husband who suggested I should go for a coffe with one of the other wives from his group of friends. I followed his suggestion and had an ok afternoon with an acquaintance.
Yet again the next morning the emptiness was back. I was getting to feel that I wasn`t adjusting right into my new country. Telling my own family would only make them worry and well, I didn`t want to bother my new family with it either seeing as they were so happy about us being here. I felt stuck with this feeling inside me.
One day I got a call asking if I could please show a friend of a friend around the city. This friend had recently moved here and could maybe need a guide to the Swiss daily life.
I met up with this woman and we spent the whole day walking around the city, stopping at practically every corner for a coffee. We talked and laughed, made jokes about Swiss behaviour and compared relocating-obstacles. My sour face from the morning had turned into a wide smile.
In the evening I excitedly told my husband about this wonderful person I had spent the day with and how she had understood my jokes and taken part in my distress over the childcare prices – we had connected.The empty feeling in my chest was fading. I was so happy to have found a friend of my own.
Since then my friend and I have laughed a lot, talked a lot and drunk tons of coffee.
Being the newcomer in town as an adult you don`t have time to spend five or ten years on building the same close friendship you have to your friends back home from childhood days. You will meet many nice and friendly people with whom you talk about the weather and maybe share a recipe or two, but with a little luck you`ll meet someone you whole heartedly connect with. It only takes one good friend to share a fit of laughter, and that laughter will brighten your day.
This is a wonderful article which describes exactly how i feel at the moment… everyone is very nice and friendly but nothing past small talk am hoping soon will find someone whom i have more in common with and can chat too and this gives me hope! Thank you
Hi Hayley,
My sister has just moved and is likely in a similar situation. Drop me a line if you’d like to grab a coffee or a chat in Zurich? Kate
I feel similar to what is said in the article. I have lived in switzerland for awhile now and still have no friends. It is hard to find friends when you are older, especially with 2 kids who take up almost all of my time. I thought that i was making a friend with someone from my daughters spiel group but she abruptly stopped calling. I do love Switzerland and like that my children will grow up here but I wonder if I will ever find someone I can talk to here.
This is the first time I’ve come across this site and it feels like I was destined to link over to this particular article! I’ve been in CH for several years and I’ve not a single long-term friend. It feels like mums I’ve met may be looking for a perfect match-up of schedules, personalities, and lifestyles. I wish it was possible to have a friendship where you just agree to keep contact for laughs and support -sometimes coffee, sometimes just email; sometimes getting the kids together, sometimes only a quick SMS. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Shira, I hear you hun! I’ve got two little kids as well.
Hi Shira!
I know how you feel, and you can always contact me…just let me know